We would have come across many instances where we either win an argument and lose a friend or lose the argument and win a friend. What is advantageous here? Undoubtedly, losing the argument and winning a friend, isn’t it? However, is it always practical? Does this mean that you should not express your opinions? Does this mean that you must lose every argument? Well, the answer is NO! This blog discusses my experiences and thoughts on how to be reasonable in winning the argument without losing the friendship.
I have come across many instances where I have seen my friends arguing about simple things and costing their friendships for it. At times, it appears as if they are intentionally damaging the friendship. I prefer winning a friend over arguments. But this does not imply my freedom of expression, or my point of view needs to stop.
First and foremost, I do not believe that true friends do not argue. What are friendships or relationships without small arguments and fights? Won’t it be like a flat road? Won’t it be monotonous, dull, and drab? As life has its ups and downs, so do friendships and relationships.
Sharing ideas with a diverse range of individuals is not always easy, especially when we disagree. Disagreements are inevitable when we all meet at a collective table. Even if certain points by them do not make a logical leap, that does not indicate that you should get into a conflict. Here are few tips to remember when a conversation steers down that road next time.
We have many things we agree upon. Hence, it is always better to start by getting to a common ground. And starting on the basic points where we agree rather than disagreeing from the initial point itself. If we start with a disagreement, it will result in the conversation ending unpleasantly.
Effective communication is a crucial factor, especially during conflicts or quarrels. When someone is trying to state a point, miscommunications may occur. Which then can lead to misunderstandings that could later be a root cause of another conflict or a dispute. Also, listening to others is another crucial factor of effective communication. It is always necessary to hear the other side’s viewpoints since it is correct from their perspective. Ignoring the ideas of others without understanding their point of view is a definite way to lose good communication even before the start. Everyone has the freedom to express their opinion. It is unfair when a person becomes judgmental of other’s standpoints. It is one of the most common issues that we come across in every argument. When we are in an argument all of us are more concerned about how to make our point correct rather than listening to what the other person is trying to say. Which ends up in ineffective communication.
It is most effective to state definite facts, rather than vague ones since others might get irritated or often misunderstand you with ambiguous points. Therefore, always make sure to speak with known facts. It’s always better to get some perspective, for example putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and starting with “If I talk from your point of view…” as it makes you empathize with your friends’ point of view and a bit of perspective makes discussions level out.
Never value winning the argument more than winning the relationship. Thus, never let the need to win the argument suppress the need to keep the bond of friendship alive. As I would say that friendship is something that is too valuable to throw out by arguing about ridiculous things.
If you sense the disagreement is getting carried away, it is better to apologize quickly. When you proceeded too far on validating your point until you understand that you have caused any inconveniences to your friend, it is wise to admit your fault and apologize for it. Stay sophisticated and own up to it.
As the arguments and misunderstandings can be minimized by apologizing, despite you behaving as an adversary, the friendship you have is exceptional. It is honest, valid, and fundamentally the bond must be so strong and deep enough to sustain misunderstandings. It is possible to clear out misconceptions if the bond of friendship is strong enough.
In conclusion, it is better not to have misunderstandings prolonged. Always make sure to step back and consider if it is worth losing your friendship. It is much easier to save the bond if you have been polite and friendly. Try to excuse yourself, make fun and try to set the points aside. Be forgiving and try to move on with your relationship even though your disagreements did not settle perfectly. As time can be the best healer, you would forget the disputes and would eventually wonder why that conflict occurred in the first place.
Written by: Rtr. Sashmittha Manickam Kumar
Edited by: Rtr. Imesha Ilangasinghe,
Rtr. Lakshan Banneheke