Are you in love? Married? In a serious relationship? Never planning on being on one? Happily single? Single and ready to mingle? Newly single? or newly dating? Well, whatever it might be, let’s admit, we’ve all at least thought about being with someone. The one, we’d like to call our “better half”.
Now most of us want that healthy, enjoyable long term relationship with our dream lover, and most of us have already stepped on to that ladder. It does seem wonderful at the beginning. But it’s only for a handful of us that remains it so till the end. But why?
Being in love is no easy job and we will certainly mess up somewhere along the way. But what matters is how we get past it. And this my friends is a lot easier if you’re with the right person. So it is vital that we choose the right person for the right reasons.
We all have our own checklists when it comes to our lover and it’s natural that we want different things. Some of us want the tall, but it’s not as compelling to others. Some of us want the bearded and others the beardless. Some the sporty, some the geeky. The I-want-to-have-kids type and the I-don’t type.
While people with any of these qualities could make amazing soul mates, there are some other characteristics that I would call core. And I’m sure, that list of mine can relate to yours!
Trust is the foundation of love. There are so many wonderful things we can get out a relationship, but the moment trust is broken, they’re all shattered. So there’s no point committing to a relationship while having doubts or fears about your partner. It’s vital to know that they’re faithful, reliable and will always be there for you, without having to be monitored or controlled. Being brutally honest with each other and communicating feelings both good and bad is the key to build mutual trust in a relationship.
Love and sex might be one purpose of a relationship, but definitely not the only one. A strong friendship with your partner is something that really holds your relationship together and fulfills it. It’s beautiful to be with someone whom you can easily connect with and freely talk to. To talk about your day and exchange life lessons, to be able to completely express yourself without feeling judged and to enjoy doing pretty much anything together. Also, make sure that you’ve seen your partner go bananas!
We all have a purpose of life and we all want to grow. And we’d obviously want to be with someone who does the same. Your partner needs to have goals. There should be something they believe in, something they want to be and working hard towards fulfilling it. It has to be someone who sees a future in them. Otherwise, they wouldn’t see a future in anything else either, even your relationship. So choose someone who dreams big!
We all want our share of attention from our loved ones and a much bigger share from our life partner! Your partner needs to be interested and attentive about what happens in your life, supportive of what you do and excited about your achievements. It has to be someone who has the desire to hear about your day not just out of obligation, but out of interest. Simply someone who never gets bored of you.
Sharing the same interest with your partner is great. Liking the same food, enjoying the same kinds of movies, sharing the same hobbies and traveling the world together all adds more color to your relationship, but even if you don’t, it’s no biggie. You will end up trying out each other’s interests along the way and find yourselves enjoying them together with time. But, if you don’t share the same values and visions, things might not be so easy. It’s important that you have a similar worldview, the same opinions on what’s right and wrong, want the same things for your kids and have similar perceptions.
Life is hectic as it and we could all do with a dose of laughter. It’s nice to be with someone who can casually make a joke while talking and make you laugh. Or who can cheer you up with their humor when you’re in a bad mood. Having a sense of humor also implies that you’re a cheerful and positive person in nature and that will indeed have a positive impact in any relationship. Humour is attractive and we all need it.
We’re bound to make mistakes and mess up during a relationship, which will displease and hurt our loved one. As long as it’s something that deserved to be forgiven your partner needs to be bold enough to do so after making you aware of what you’ve done. Problems need to be talked about, cleared and gotten over, and for that, you need someone who values your relationship over anything. So remember to choose a good forgiver.
Your partner should have an undying fascination for you and continuously wants you. It should be someone who looks forward to your calls and text messages, gets excited to be with you and still gets butterflies in their stomach when thinking about you. Also, it should be someone who appreciates you, compliments you and likes to remind you that you’re amazing. All these go to show that they genuinely likes you and really wants you.
We all want someone out of the box and who has something that holds them special. Being adventurous can mean, being a world traveler, the willingness to try new things, craving for challenges, the ability to enjoy simple pleasures or simply the desire to explore. A sense of adventure in a couple helps you to learn more about yourself, about each other and grow together. Being adventurous is lovely and could never do you wrong.
Last, but certainly not the least and in fact one of the most important things we seek out of a relationship, Romance. This is what adds meaning and color to a couple. We need to understand the need for romance and make sure the spark doesn’t die. Being romantic could be a long drive, quietly watching the sunset together, a walk in the park, spontaneous dates, surprising each with something they like or even an occasional candlelight dinner. It could be anything that enhances affection, adoration, and love. Romance feels so special and will make your love life an even special one.
So, my friends, love is great, and to make it great is your job.
So choose wisely, love deeply and stay happy!
Rtr. Kalani Siriwardena